Llama Drama

There’s been a lot of drama in my life recently, the central issue being To Watch or Not to Watch: Jon & Kate Plus Eight. On one hand, eight adorable (half or quarter-Asian) kids! On the other hand, shouldn’t I let Jon & Kate try and figure out their problems and deal with their issues with some semblance of privacy? Is it ok if I watch reruns as long as I don’t watch any of the new season? Does it even matter what I do if they keep doing the show anyway? What kind of cake did they have at the sextuplets’ birthday party? WAS THERE A PINATA??

This has nothing little to do with the subject of today’s post (re: GOALS), but if you peruse the archives of this blog, you’ll notice that Kevin is more of the “everything should flow seamlessly from one paragraph to another” kind of writer, while I’m more of a “you are stuck reading whatever I happen to feel like writing, and I feel like writing about reality TV, so too bad” kind of writer. I’m sorry, but I just won’t hide my true feelings about television.

And with that, we will abruptly segue to the meat of this post, which is entitled “THE GOALS OF ZHOU AND KEVIN ON THEIR TRIP AROUND THE WORLD.”

[I imagine the experience of reading this post so far is like getting on a train, thinking you’re headed to Paris, and then realizing you got on the wrong train and you’re going to Moscow instead – not that you have anything against Moscow, but you really wanted to see the Eiffel Tower, and you don’t speak Russian. I’m sorry if that’s the case, but I hear Moscow is very nice in June.]

Now, let us remember that I have not actually asked Kevin about his goals, but just assumed they are in line with the goals I have in mind for him, which are the following:

1. To try and eat the food that is available to him, including, but not limited to, the following: watermelon, mangoes, pineapple, beets, strawberries, curry, avocado, any kind of nuts besides peanuts, tofu or any other kind of soy-based food, spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, oranges, pad thai and pho.

2. To save the sea kittens.
3. To meet new people.
4. To stand with one foot on the Northern Hemisphere and one foot on the Southern Hemisphere. And then jump up and down.

5. To set a personal record for days gone without showering.
6. To meet, and make a good impression on, my relatives that live in Beijing. (Bet you didn’t know about this one, did you, Kev?)
7. To JUMP FROM A PLANE. Crazy person.

I’m sure these goals are completely and without a doubt 100% in line with what Kevin would have written, especially number one. There is no need to ask Kevin for any amendments and/or corrections. So we’ll just go ahead and move on to my list.

1. To gain a better understanding of world geography. I know all of the states and their capitals (although New Hampshire does trip me up), but I have no idea where Kazakhstan is. Or how to spell it. It took me three tries. I probably still won’t know where it is after this trip, but at least I’ll know where Botswana is.
2. To meet new people.
3. To do some things that will scare the living daylights out of me. [This does not include jumping out of a plane. I only want to be slightly more brave, not a whole lot more brave.]
4. To avoid the real world for just one more year.
5. To be more aware.
6. To pet a llama at Machu Picchu. Speaking of llamas, there is a very underrated movie about a llama that you should watch.
7. To swim with pink dolphins.

This is the point where, if Kevin were writing this post, he would seamlessly transition from pink dolphins to a concluding paragraph filled with little jokes and a tidy summation of the main goal, which is: to have an amazing, awesome, challenging, unforgettable 11 months. But I’m not Kevin. (Also, I did not put those adjectives in alphabetical order on purpose. They just came out of my head that way. I swear.)

[So this train is going to Paris after all! Too bad you already bought that ushanka. Sorry about that.]

Instead, I’d like to talk a little bit about the surreal-ness of all of this. It feels like some Zhou alter ego is going on the trip, not me. (My alter ego looks exactly like me, except she is the kind of person who would never sweep the floor twice in one day. And she wears a cool cape, even though Edna advises against it.) It’s almost unimaginable to me that in a little over a year, Kevin and I will have visited five continents and over 30 countries. We’ll have trekked the Himalayas and stood in the sweltering heat in front of the Sphinx. We’ll have met a lot of cool new people whose names I don’t know yet (I’m hoping one will be named Sawyer, because I think that’s an awesome name). And we’ll probably have grown and changed in ways that I can’t even imagine right now. It just completely blows my mind.

I can’t wait.

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Puzzles for Postcards

WNDRFL Song Lyric VQs:

SSKSFBL
TSLTNTHVNNG
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Scrabble Log

Games: 47
Zhou WPLB: 24; 367; 390; FILLIES, ENTAILS
Kevin WPLB: 23; 368; 417; UNsWEET*

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Untitled

[Editor's note: I once wrote a post inappropriately titled, “There is Nothing to Fear but Gear Itself.” It was meant to be a pun on the famous FDR quote – wait, this reminds of a horrible story from my childhood, I’ll finish that thought at the end of this post – where was I? Oh, my point was that gear is not the only thing to fear, and in fact it does not need to be feared at all, unless you’re on the opposing team to these guys. So really the title made no sense, but unfortunately it stuck. Then all by myself alone without any help from a comment to this post, I single-handedly got the brilliant idea to write a post about fear, but lo and behold, the good post title was already taken. So in case you read this blog for the post titles, hopefully the content will hold your interest this week.]

Today we wanted to let you in on our deepest and darkest fears about our upcoming travels. The information we share in this post we will have never before told anyone, so if you are the first to read it (and not just skip to the Puzzles for Postcards), then consider yourself among Zhou’s and my closest friends.

A few weeks ago, we wrote about the four major obstacles to overcome to enjoy a round-the-world journey: motivation, time, perception and money. However, just as Junior was afraid to tell his dad that he was competing in the Olympics, we were afraid to tell you about the fifth and most important obstacle: FEAR.

Most of you probably don’t know this, but FEAR is actually an acronym, just like SCUBA or BL. Back in the dinosaur age, cavemen made up the word to describe how they felt about Food, Exploration, Absence and Revenue. ( I think this was before the wheel but after fire, but don’t quote me on this.) Let me explain.

Fear of food: despite anything that Zhou may tell you, I did not invent picky eating. I come from a long line of picky Currys, most of whom were probably pickier than me. The difference between me and them though, is that I’m about to blog about my eating habits on a trip around the world. And roughly 137 million people will end up reading about it. (Anything more than that is just gravy, another food I don’t really care for.)

To be perfectly honest, this is one of my two biggest fears on the trip. I can think of two different strategies for overcoming this fear: the Omnivore strategy and the Survivor strategy. The Omnivore strategy would definitely make me a better person in the long run, as it involves learning to like foods that you absolutely hate. When I was just 11 years old, Jeffrey Steingarten wrote that if you force horrendous foods down your throat over and over again (eight to ten times) that you will eventually like them. I liken this to if you’re punched in the face nine times, the tenth won’t hurt all that much. Regardless, I’m glad that my parents didn’t read this article when it came out.

The Survivor strategy, which I am currently executing to perfection, involves not changing eating habits whatsoever until you’re thrown into the fire (figuratively – remember this phrase though when you read the end of the post). I’ve decided that I’m going to enjoy every meal from here until September 9th, because who knows if I’ll get to enjoy another one for 11 more months. And I figure if I’m hungry enough, I’ll eat what I need to on the trip.

Fear of exploration: I once watched an interview with Christopher Columbus, and the one thing he reiterated throughout was how afraid he was that the Indians would wind up being monstrous aliens from outer space. After all, he was crossing vast oceans into uncharted territory, so who knew what he’d run into?

Ok, so this didn’t actually happen, but I’m sure even Columbus had to have doubts as he pushed off across the Atlantic. And since I’m originally from Columbus, I’m allowed to be afraid of the unknown as well. Of the 30 countries we currently have scheduled on our itinerary, I have never been to 30 of them. In layman’s terms, that’s every single one. In horror movies, often times the protagonist will be scared out of his mind as he walks slowly through his house, knowing that a killer could be around any corner. But that’s his house! He’s been there for many years, and knows it like the back of his hand. Yet here I am about to boldly go where I’ve never gone before! Of course I’ll have a little fear in the back of my mind.

Fear of absence: in addition to fear of food, this is my other biggest fear. The things that make me happiest in life are my family and friends (and chili dogs), so it will be hard being away for so long. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I don’t really see how that applies here because I’d rather spend time with my family and friends than grow fonder of them. Just like I would rather have millions of dollars than grow fonder of it from a distance. Fortunately though, without getting too mushy, I am very lucky to be spending the next year with Zhou, so that works as an excellent antidote to this fear.

Fear of revenue, or lack thereof: I have spent the last two years of my life seeing how much trouble companies can get into with steep drop-offs in their top-lines, yet this clearly hasn’t deterred Zhou and me. A little insider information: don’t buy stock in us now, as our income is about to drop faster than Ashley Simpson’s after her appearance on SNL.

I think what will be even more daunting than losing our income for the next year will be trying to get it back once we return. And to top it off, Zhou will be heading to grad school, leaving me to fend for the both of us. I’m just going to have to buy a lot of lottery tickets and hope we get lucky.

…

Back to the story that I referenced earlier. After winning the Super Bowl one year, my family and I went to Disney World to celebrate. This was back in the day that Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was big, and they had a replica version set up for all park-goers. It worked like this: 200 or so people would be let into the replica studio every hour, and from this group, people would win their way on stage to sit in the hot seat, with a chance to win real prizes. (I believe instead of a million dollars, if you made it all the way you’d get a Caribbean cruise for two, although you’ll soon find out that winning this would never even cross my mind.)

I don’t remember how the first contestant was picked, but I’m sure it was through one of those old fastest finger questions. Anyway, once the first person made it to the hot seat, the next contestant would be picked by answering the hot seat questions faster than anyone else in the crowd. Basically, as the first person would get the question, the audience would all be clicking really fast on their thingamajigs when they knew the answer.

As skill would have it, I, at 13 years old, was the fastest in the audience to get all the questions correct, so as the current contestant took the walk of shame back down the losers’ tunnel, I gleefully pranced down the stairs to the hot seat, ready to win that top prize. (Looking back on it, I wish I would have tripped down the stairs and broken my arm to avoid any humiliation.)

I sat down and explained to the host a little about myself, and then we were off. Question #1: “Finish the following quote: ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the ____.’ (a) kitchen, (b) country, (c) fire or (d) wool underwear.” I had no idea! I had never heard that saying before! Fortunately though, they wanted the contestants to get the first five questions right so they could selfishly promote Disney World by giving you a shirt. If I didn’t know, the host would help me out.

Thirty seconds passed, and it became clear to the host that I didn’t know. He started to say someth- “cfirefinalanswer.” I blurted it all out without taking a breath. The host looked at me with great shame, as if to say “I would punch you in the face if you weren’t a child.” The audience moaned, and I saw my family quickly sneak out the back door so as not to be seen with me. I quickly realized that this was not the correct answer, so as quickly as I had sat down, I was booted out of the chair and down the losers’ tunnel. They wanted me to sign some form saying I would not compete again for at least two years, or something like that. Actually, they might have given me the special form that said never to come back… I can’t really remember. All I know was that I would forever be linked with this guy.

PS – Yes, I know it was not FDR, but Truman who said that quote. I figured that out while I wallowed in my own self-pity.
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Puzzles for Postcards

Some Kind of… Song VQs:

SSKSFBL
TSLTNTHVNNG
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Scrabble Log

Games: 44
Zhou WPLB: 24; 367; 313; WALKERS
Kevin WPLB: 20; 365; 454; REEDITS, UPsTAGE, INTERAcT

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Getting to Know Kevin (Part 1)

We have noticed that this blog is slowly becoming more popular than William Hung, officially making us the most famous Asians in America. In honor of us taking over this coveted title, we have decided to treat you, our loyal readers, to a special two-week series of posts about getting to know Kevin and Zhou. Over the next nine days, we will post four separate times for your viewing pleasure. Yes, this means four nights of light reading, four chances to get on our Puzzles for Postcards list of winners, four Scrabble log updates. I can barely contain my excitement in writing this paragraph, so I can’t even imagine how you feel reading it. To make this even more exhilarating, this week Zhou will be answering the questions about Kevin, and next week Kevin will be answering the exact same questions about Zhou. Finally, although it may look like we ripped these questions from a junk chain mail, we actually created them ourselves.

[Zhou: Please note that Kevin wrote this introduction. I had nothing to do with it.]

So with no further ado, it’s time to see how well Zhou knows Kevin.

(1) Favorites (an easy one to get the blood flowing):

Favorite college class: that art class he took freshman year before we knew each other – I think it may have been drawing?
Favorite movie: please, anyone who has read even one post on this blog knows
Favorite food: the one and only… chili dog (or chilly dog)
Favorite animal: the wolf
Favorite book: um…Kevin is more of a listener, not a reader

Correction
My favorite college class was actually a Computer Science algorithm class I took senior year with Dr. Johnson. As an example of how much I liked it: I remember falling asleep one day in that class (I was one of six students, and I sat next to the professor), and I actually felt really bad.

My favorite animal is more specifically the gray wolf (canis lupis). I wish I could post the picture of me dressed up as one for Halloween in third grade, but it’s at my parent’s house.

I have so many favorite books, I can’t believe Zhou couldn’t think of any! If I had to pick one though, it would have to be Rascal, by Sterling North. We were required to read it back in elementary school, and boy am I glad we were.

(2) Most prized material possession (that Kevin is taking on the trip):

In general, I think it’s his car, his golf clubs or his guitar. I remember him telling someone once that the two things he doesn’t like people borrowing are his car and his clubs. (But I’ve borrowed both – shhh, don’t tell.) As for the trip, it’s definitely his iPod.

Correction
I assume that I’m not allowed to answer the travel Scrabble board as my most prized possession I’m taking, since that belongs to both of us. (No wait, that’s mine – Zhou got it for me as a present!) If so, I would say my iPod is tied with my blue Matt Wertz shirt. I know we’re not supposed to bring cotton clothing, but that shirt is so comfortable!

(3) Biggest pet peeve:

Pets wearing clothes – which means this is a perfect place for a picture of a clothed Charlie (complete with Devil eyes)!

Also, I think Charlie looks adorable.

Correction
This is 110% accurate. This makes me just like Monica from Friends.

(4) What will annoy Kevin most on the road:

Rude people. His second biggest pet peeve is when people in cars don’t wave after you let them turn or go in front of you. Also, he doesn’t know this yet, but hearing me say “Just try some – it’s really good!” will probably be a close second.

Correction
None.

(5) First memory:

This one involves clowns and being strapped in a double stroller. Then there is frantic trying to get away from the scary clowns. Then there is lots of blood.

Correction
Wow, Zhou’s good. I couldn’t remember my first memory until she mentioned it. My family and I were in Cincinnati for a Reds game, and one day my parents thought it would be fun to see their older son squirm, so they decided to take us to a parade with… CLOWNS! They knew I hated clowns! And to make it funnier, they decided to tell us while they were pushing the stroller with Steve and me in it up the brick stairs at the hotel. I would have none of it – at the mere mention of the word “clowns” I crawled out of the stroller. Only I hadn’t thought out my full escape route, and hadn’t thought to get out feet first, so I cracked my head on the corner of one of the steps. This is where the blood came in (I guess technically it came out). Also, this is where I realized that my parents weren’t out to get me, because my dad picked me and my bloody face up and began running frantically around in circles. (Maybe the high rate of speed at which he was running would stop the bleeding?) Fortunately there happened to be a doctor eating breakfast nearby, and I don’t remember the rest.

(6) Thing Kevin can’t do without in life:

This is a close tie between college football, March Madness, fantasy football, the Masters, baseball season until the Reds are out of playoff contention and NBA playoffs. But I think college Buckeye football is probably number one by a hair.

Correction
Probably could have included Cavs basketball, Browns football and the Olympics, but Buckeye football is #1.

(7) Story from before we met that Kevin likes to tell most:

This isn’t necessarily the story Kevin likes to tell most, but it’s the one that I like to hear the best. Plus, the story ends with “and then we went to McDonald’s,” which is almost as good any story that ends with “and then I found $20 in my pocket.” So Kevin and Steve were in this (really cool and awesome) math tournament, and they ended up having to face each other in the final round (after beating out millions of other super smart kids). They then tied in the final round (dun dun dun!), so they had to go to a tiebreaker question. BUT! They both solved the problem and raised their hands at the EXACT same time (the judges deliberated for quite awhile). So they were given another tiebreaker (DUN DUN DUN!). This question involved factoring (or maybe limits? No wait, that was Mean Girls), which Kevin knew Steve had yet to learn, being a grade below. So Kevin coolly took his time and nonchalantly solved the problem and won the round. And then their parents took them to McDonald’s. The other funny thing about this story is that when Kevin tells it, he always stresses the fact that the answer was Steve’s favorite number, so if Steve had just guessed, he probably would have gotten it right.

Correction
The way the really cool and awesome math tournament worked was that the 16 top scores in the region squared off in a bracket arranged in alphabetical order (so as not to give away who won the region, which was the highlight later on in the day). Despite my coach’s argument that it was unfair that Steve and I had to face each other, the order stuck, and there we were in a first round battle for the ages. We split the two questions of the best of three, and the tie took place on the third question. Then the answer to the tiebreaker was 8, Steve’s lucky number.

Do you remember when Ohio State beat Miami in a double overtime thriller in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl National Championship game? Yeah, it was like that.

To be continued Tuesday…
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Puzzles for Postcards

Movie VQs:
Hint: the quotes below are from three different (and famous) movies that are from the same genre.

HKNMTT
MMLTNG
TPHNHM*

*I stole this one from Mental Floss. Thanks Mental Floss!
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Scrabble Log

Games: 40
Zhou WPLB: 22; 368; 427; DOWnTIME, ASININE
Kevin WPLB: 18; 363; 461; MEANEST, PAgODAS, BROODING

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Quirky and Awesome Q&A (Part 1)

Thanks to you all for the hundreds of questions that poured in via email, phone and Pony Express. Unfortunately, we do not have enough time to answer all of the questions, but we have selected the best and will each put on our “informative hat” (as opposed to our “humorous hat” or “chocolate milk hat“) and do our best to provide you with the information that you so desperately desire.

Due to the unforeseen plethora of questions we received, we have decided to divide our responses into two posts. Luckily for you though, you will not have to wait until next Sunday to read the second half of our responses. Yes, that’s right – we will be writing a very special Tuesday post this week as well. And yes, that means two puzzles for postcards.

1) What happens if you lose a Scrabble tile?

Kevin: We’ve decided to answer this question first because this is clearly the most important thing, and, honestly, we’ve yet to think this through. I’m guessing Zhou is a bit offended that this question was asked; after all, we don’t ask you “what happens if you lose your baby?” or “what happens if you go bald and gain 200 pounds?” I think that if this ever were to happen, we would probably have to call off the rest of the trip and go home. Fortunately, thanks to this question we will keep this on the top of our minds and will definitely not be losing any tiles.

Zhou: At Thai Kitchen III today (my favorite place in the world), I told Kathleen and Katie that I would eat mango sticky rice EVERY DAY when we go to Thailand. Kathleen then asked, “What if mango sticky rice isn’t actually Thai?” Silence followed. This thought had never occurred to me – what if mango sticky rice isn’t actually Thai? So I ignored her. Do you see the connection here? Two totally inconceivable ideas! I will ignore them.

Bahamas / Charleston

2) Have you even SEEN “Twins”?

Kevin: No, I have only ever seen one movie, but I watch it every day.

Zhou: Is that the one where Arnold is pregnant and has a baby?

3) Are there any personal goals to be met along the trip (like Kevin eating a certain number of new foods or Zhou growing an inch)?

Zhou: I could not have said it better myself. Just TWO fruits, that’s all I’m asking for. And really, it’s not asking much, especially in relation to the number of fruits Kevin has NEVER eaten (approximately a bajillion). I mean, the man only eats red delicious apples (not granny smith, not yellow, not just plain red, but red DELICIOUS) and canned pears, which are not a true fruit, as they have been CANNED. IN SYRUP. Is it really too much to ask for the occasional orange or strawberry? Kevin, STRAWBERRIES ARE DELICIOUS!

Anyway. The question asked about personal goals, and although Kevin is my own personal project, he’s not my person. One of my own personal goals is to learn to be less anxious and not worry about things that are out of my control, like flat tires or how long it takes for Kevin to write a blog post or getting eaten by a rhinoceros. I think if I can go through the entire trip without hyperventilating once, it’ll be a success. I also want to take some amazing pictures with my cool new camera so when we (eventually) come back, we can decorate an apartment with them. And I would like to score 600 points by myself in a game of Scrabble.

Kevin: Who needs fruit when Skyline perfected a little piece of heaven called the chili dog? My #1 goal would be to open a Skyline franchise everywhere we’ll be going, that way I will never go hungry. This seems a bit impractical, so in all honesty, one of my main goals is to become less picky about the foods I’ll eat. I’m sure this won’t be easy, so Zhou, don’t get your hopes up just because I said I’ll try. (Zhou: Awww – he wants to try! I am marrying the right guy!)

Another goal of mine is to meet as many people as possible. I’ve heard that you can make lasting friendships from trips like this (we will be spending 46 days in a bus on the African Serengeti with a group of random strangers), and it can never hurt to have a good set of backup long-distance friends in case your strange quirks get on your short-distance friends’ nerves.

I would also like to get a bridge in Hungary named after me and have it stick. I would like to help a less fortunate stranger along the way. I would like to remember as many experiences as possible and use this knowledge to win on Jeopardy! Less ambitiously than Zhou, I would like to score 500 in Scrabble, but I would like to do it in front of the Pyramids. And most of all, I would like to find one thing that I’m better at than anyone else in the world and then do it for a living.

4) What animal are you most excited to see on the safari?

Kevin: Besides the turkey in my lunch sandwiches (fingers crossed that we eat somewhat normal food), I’m definitely looking forward to roaring with the lions, racing the cheetahs, laughing with the hyenas and tickling the giraffes. Wow, now that I think this through, I’m pretty much excited to see everything. I’ve never been out of North America, so anything more exotic than a white-tailed deer or a pigeon seems really awesome. However, if I had to pick just one animal, I’d go with a lion with a really long mane.

Zhou: Definitely giraffes. Giraffes are so cool with their long long necks and really long tongues. And also lions – I always had a crush on JTT. And anything baby. Baby animals are adorable and make me go “awwww!” in that high-pitched squeal-y voice that is so embarrassing (to Kevin). Except baby rhinos (see above), as they can eat you. Or gore you with their sharp sharp baby horns.

5) Without rambling on forever, what were you thinking of doing in Johannesburg?

Zhou: Whatever the good people at Acacia African Adventures have planned out for us. I’m not certain, but it probably involves eating watermelon.

Kevin: From what I’ve heard, we’re just going to do our best to survive the one night that we will be in the city. If we had a little more time, I’d like to visit the Dave Matthews museum or the Ernie Els “What Happened to My Career?” Pit. Sorry though, we won’t have much time to explore.

6) Approximately how long are you staying at each place?

Kevin: It varies from place to place, but I’d say the length of stay at each location is a direct function of two factors: price and how cool we think the place is. For example, Japan costs a crap-load (presumably because of the butt washers on the toilets) and will be downright frigid, so we’ll stay there less than a week. On the other hand, Chile and Argentina are relatively inexpensive and seem pretty darn awesome, so we’ll spend about a month traveling back and forth between the two.

When we originally planned the trip, we had heard to save costs it would be easiest to stay at each location for at least a couple of weeks. This way we could rent a place and do more of our own cooking. However, we decided that the world is too big a place to settle down in just ten locations, so we decided our #1 priority would be seeing as many places as we can.

Zhou: Also, we are trying NOT to do two travel days in a row. The longest we’re staying in one country is probably Nepal (almost four weeks), and the shortest is Singapore (three days). We’ve given ourselves a couple of breaks to regroup and be lazy and catch up on the blog – like China (two weeks) and Sydney (two and a half weeks).

7) Where are you most worried about not wanting to leave?

Zhou: For me, it’s Southeast Asia. I’ve heard so many wonderful things about Thailand and Vietnam. I’m just not sure if I’ll be able to leave the clear water and sandy beaches and mounds and mounds of mango sticky rice. I am a bit worried that we’re trying to squeeze in too much by doing Southeast Asia in just a month.

Kevin: I don’t think it will be the safari because 46 days is already a really long time. And I’ve heard it won’t be Easter Island, because apparently there’s only about two days worth of stuff to do there. My guess is that I will want to spend more time in New Zealand – price was definitely the limiting factor there, otherwise we would have probably set aside another week. As we currently have it scheduled, we will spend a week doing things such as skydiving, paragliding and rafting, and a week walking the Milford Track, supposedly home of the most scenic views in the world. By the time we’re done with these activities, we’ll probably be broke and will spend most of our time on Easter Island begging for money.

8) Are you (Zhou) going to be okay with not showering every day? (Just accept it if you haven’t already.) Is Kevin going to be okay with Zhou not showering every day? Is Kevin going to be okay with Zhou not shaving her legs as often?

Zhou: (1) Yes, as long as my fingernails are clean. I can’t stand the feeling of dirt under my fingernails. (2) I don’t shower every day already, and he still loves me, right Kev? RIGHT? (3) Kevin would love me even if I turned into a hairy beast. RIGHT KEV?

Kevin: My only criteria for choosing a round-the-world travel partner is that she showers weekly in the States, so Zhou is more than qualified. As far as the leg hair thing, a similar question was brought up in a game of “Would You Rather?” that we played one afternoon at work. “If your wife had to wear shorts and a tank top for the rest of her life, would you rather her have uncontrollable armpit hair or leg hair?” I was in the majority who thought you could blend the armpit hair in with the hair on her head, so that wouldn’t be nearly as bad as the forest of leg hair. However, Zhou’s leg hair grows about as fast as my facial hair (read: it doesn’t grow), so I will love her regardless.

I know this wasn’t part of the question, but as far as my own cleanliness, I hope to brush and floss at least every day, since the dentist said I have receding gums (and receding gums are the leading cause of death among people my age). On the shower front, I’m actually looking forward to our trip being an excuse for me not to shower.

9) What about adding New Orleans to your itinerary?

Zhou: If only!

Kevin: Not a chance. This is a round-the-world trip, and “world” clearly only refers to anywhere but North America.

10) Why are you so cute?

Zhou: My momma made me that way. Thanks mom!

Kevin: Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was a bunny rabbit. (Anyone? Bueller?)
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Puzzles for Postcards

Popular Song VQs From the Year 2000:

TSGRTDYTBLV
PSDDTGN
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Scrabble Log

Games: 36
Zhou WPLB: 20; 363; 401; SOLVInG
Kevin WPLB: 16; 364; 390; DEnIZEN, DONATER

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Charlie the Wonder Hamster

In his last post, Kevin made it sound like I am a crazy person. And while it’s true that I sometimes make up songs about Charlie (the latest sung to the tune of “Yankee Doodle,” the lyrics too embarrassing to disclose here), Kevin failed to mention that he often picks Charlie up by her front legs and forces her to do something he has dubbed “the Charlie Dance.” He walks her around like a little puppet while singing, “Charlie, Charlie, Charlie the wonder hamster…” to the tune of “Harvey the Wonder Hamster.” He insists that she likes doing the Charlie Dance, but I think the expression on her little face indicates a feeling more along the lines of pained resignation. I mean, there’s not much a 6.1 pound dog can do under those circumstances.

[Random aside: twice in the last month, I have come home to a sheepish-looking Charlie and a lollipop wrapper and lollipop stick on the ground. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where the lollipop itself went, especially when Charlie's breath smelled like cappuccino. We have since moved the lollipops from the coffee table to the kitchen counter.]

Also in his last post, Kevin portrayed me as a rigid, exacting person who has to plan out every single minute of our trip and will throw a tantrum when anything doesn’t go exactly according to plan. I don’t appreciate that description of me as it is completely untrue. In fact, I have included several periods of “unstructured fun” in the daily schedules. And when we’re not having lots of structured (and sometimes unstructured, depending on the time of day) fun, I hope that we will be eating lots and lots of yummy food. Especially mango sticky rice. I will be sorely disappointed if I can’t add at least two fruits to Kevin’s repertoire over the next year and a half. Hopefully one of them is watermelon. I mean, really, how can anyone not like watermelon? It’s delicious! What is there not to like?! The taste of watermelon is totally inoffensive!

But I digress. This post was supposed to be my list of things that I’ll miss while on the road. But I had to qualify all those things Kevin said about me. And you can see how me having to qualify Kevin’s statements about the crazy things I do could lead to me talking about how I wish Kevin would eat watermelon…can’t you? …

Things I will miss while on the road:
1. Reading the Modern Love column from the New York Times on Mondays.
2. Walking home from work indoors.
3. The way Charlie drags all of the toys out of her bin one by one.
4. My paycheck being deposited into my checking account automatically.
5. Getting a paycheck.
6. Ribs from Mac’s.
7. Sweet potato fries from Big Daddy’s.
8. Simon Cowell. And Randy. But probably not Paula, and definitely not Kara.
9. Lying on the couch while watching tv on the weekends. And resting my eyes. And if I end up falling asleep, then so be it!
10. Checking out books from the library (and occasionally reading them).
11. Taking showers every day. (When Kevin first read this, he protested, “But you don’t take showers every day!” True. I don’t. But he misses the point – I could if I wanted to!)
12. Ordering things online.
13. Extreme Plyo class on Tuesday mornings.
14. Cooking.
15. Trader Joe’s chocolate covered pretzels. Mmmm.
16. My homemade yogurt/blueberry/granola breakfast parfaits. Note: these are three things that Kevin does not eat. Yet.
17. Watching Charlie army crawl around the other dogs at the dog park because she’s too wimpy to play with them.

Things I will not miss while on the road:
1. Working.
2. Listening to the people on CNBC say “the Dow hasn’t been this low since [dinosaurs roamed the earth/"Barbie Girl" was a hit song/those shiny pogs came out and everyone had them except for people whose moms wouldn't buy them because it was a waste of money - but I'm not bitter].”
3. Doing the dishes.
4. Watching Bernanke testify in Congress every day, and saying to no one in particular, “Hey, Bernanke used to be on my high school’s board!” and no one caring. I’m still shocked that no one is impressed by that. I just don’t get it. I’m still impressed by that, and I found out months ago.
5. Exreme Plyo class on Tuesday mornings.

There you have it.

So I had been thinking of a way to end this post for a few days now, but I couldn’t think of one, so I went back to Kevin’s list-of-things-he’ll-miss post for inspiration, and lo and behold! (You know, I wish people would say “lo and behold!” in real life.) I noticed that Kevin also ended with “There you have it.” Obviously, this could mean a few different things:
1. I subconsciously copied him.
2. We have been together so long that we are starting to become the same person.
3. He looked into the future and stole the way I am ending my post but didn’t tell me so that I wouldn’t accuse him of being a copycat.
4. I secretly enjoyed making these lists so much that I wanted an excuse to make another one.

The only possibility I can rule out with any certainty is number two, as I have definitely not grown at all since Kevin and I started dating. In fact, I may be a teensy bit shorter. Anyway, as I have obviously still not thought of a good way to end this post, I’ll leave you with this – a list of things that we (Kevin, Naz and I) call Charlie, in no particular order:
1. Chuck
2. You little..!
3. Punkin
4. Honey
5. Cutie (Patootie/Pie)
6. Harvey
7. Charlie
8. Murphy
9. Charlie Barley
10. Sweetie (Pie)
11. Charles

Ok, so I do like making lists. Is that so wrong?
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Puzzles for Postcards: We’ll try something new with today’s puzzle and see if we can work it into the rotation. We’ll give you two famous related quotes with all the vowels and punctuation removed (VQs), and your goal is to respond with the quote. In addition, as further incentive we are now going to keep a list of past winners – hopefully we’ll see your name here soon!

Build Me Up! VQs From a 1987 Movie Classic:

1) MYNMSNGMNTY
2) NCNCVBL
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Scrabble Log

Games: 20
Zhou WPLB: 11; 362; 486; InVOlVES, MANGOES
Kevin WPLB: 9; 359; 306; COASTER

Note: Zhou played InVOlVES on the triple triple for 158 points!

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